Keith Lemon Biography

Well My names Keith Lemon and I know I’m a household name mainly due to my successful Securipole product and numerous TV appearances on Bo Selecta and Big Brother. However you may be surprised to know life wasn’t always so kind to me and I have had to work hard to get to where I am today.

I am from Leeds and this is where my first business venture began. I didn’t do college I just left school and went straight into setting up my business Rhino Jeans. I lived at home with me Mam and Dad and my brother Gregory. My brother Gregory is a pillow biter and if you don’t know what that is well it means a wooley wufter. I don’t have problem with that though as I’m quite liberal I like all kinds, yellow, black, cream, pink, lesbicans I don’t get irate about it.

My Rhino jeans were sold on Leeds Market as I had my own stall there. My plans back then were to be successful and earn enough money to buy me mam a decent set of teeth and go and live in America.

My Rhino jeans empire didn’t go to plan and after too many complaints about them i decided to pack it in and come up with a new idea. My new product was Securipole a 2 foot shaft, yes a 2 foot shaft! to put on your driveway to stop evil scumbuggers from stealing automobiles. This proved a huge success and earned me my prestigious business man of the year award 1993. After the award i had lots of attention from the ladies and ultimately my downfall as I never say no even if they were a big fat minger. I managed to blow most of my money on booze and cheap women but it was fun while it lasted.

I lived a quiet couple of years then I was approached to star in TV programme “Keith Lemons One Night Stands” to help folk who couldn’t get a bird. As due to my success I had loads of birds looking to be Mrs Lemon so I was more than an expert in the field. My date on the show was Tess Daly and for all my efforts I didn’t manage to have her. I’m sure she was a lesbican.

Despite my failings on that show I managed other guest appearances on the Bo Selecta shows which gave me a opportunity to bring my Securipole product to the U S of A. I teamed up with Fabio and had great time. If you look at my videos you will see the advert we made.

I have now filmed my own TV show Keith Lemons very Brilliant World Tour which is available on dvd now. I also plan to release my autobiography “Everyone wants a slice of Lemon” real soon.

Celebrity Juice is Keith’s panel show where along with regulars Holly Willoughby, Fearne Cotton and Rufus Hound the teams answer questions in the loosest sense of the Word. It’s a massive hit for ITV2 and for Keith Lemon, now on series 4 it looks set to continue for many more!

Buy Being Keith – The Biography