Well My names Keith Lemon and I know I'm a household name
mainly due to my successful Securipole product and
numerous TV
appearances on Bo Selecta and Big Brother. However
you may
be surprised to know life wasn't always so kind to me and I have
had to work hard to get to where I am today.
I
am from Leeds and this is where my first business venture began.
I didn't do college I just left school and went straight into
setting up my business Rhino Jeans. I lived at home with
me Mam and Dad and my brother Gregory. My brother Gregory
is a pillow biter and if you don't know what that is well it
means a wooley wufter. I don't have problem with
that though as I'm quite liberal I like all kinds, yellow,
black, cream, pink, lesbicans I don't get irate about it.
My Rhino jeans were sold on Leeds Market as I had my own stall
there. My plans back then were to be successful and earn
enough money to buy me mam a decent set of teeth and go and live
in America.
My Rhino jeans empire didn't go to plan and
after too many complaints about them i decided to pack it in and
come up with a new idea. My new product was
Securipole a 2 foot shaft, yes a 2 foot shaft! to put on
your driveway to stop evil scumbuggers from stealing
automobiles. This proved a huge success
and earned me my prestigious business man of the year award
1993. After the award i had lots of attention from the
ladies and ultimately my downfall as I never say no even if they
were a big fat minger. I managed to blow most of my money
on booze and cheap women but it was fun while it lasted.
I lived a quiet couple
of years then I was approached to star in TV
programme "Keith Lemons One Night Stands" to help folk
who couldn't get a bird. As due to my success I
had loads of birds looking to be Mrs Lemon so I was more
than an expert in the field. My date on the show
was Tess Daly and for all my efforts I didn't manage to
have her. I'm sure she was a lesbican.
Despite my failings on that show I managed other guest
appearances on the Bo Selecta shows which gave me a
opportunity to bring my Securipole product to the U S of
A. I teamed up with Fabio and had great
time. If you look at my videos you will see the
advert we made. I am now filming my own TV show
Keith Lemons very Brilliant World Tour which that starts
in March 2008.
I also plan to release my autobiography "Everyone wants
a slice of Lemon" real soon.
"Don't forget, if you don't make an
entrance you won't get in!"
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